love keeps me going

I was intending to work and hopefully finish a demo of "Everyone Knows" this month, but it's not proving as fruitful or as inspiring as another track, "Wide Smiles & Wine Bottles". I wrote the lyrics over a year ago as a poem titled "The Last Day". It basically described being in the moment: spending the little time you've got left with someone dear to you. Not in any mortal sense, although I guess one could interpret it that way. I did a few vocal attempts this last week and realised I had to further adjust the song and how the words came together. Some lines were omitted altogether. I've come up with a vocal melody I'm happy with. The rest of the challenge lies in bringing the rest of the track to life, above the basic but effective chord progression I wrote on guitar. I'm thinking of using it on piano.

This all reminds me that most anything creative, especially music - tends to evolve during it's process. Trying to keep up with this evolution, choosing what stays and what goes, can either be challenging or frustrating, or both. What keeps me going though, is love for the piece itself - which is rooted in love for another person. All of our emotions, positive or negative - can be used in this manner... a sort of driving force, a motivation. Being that this is my first time writing a full song, it's daunting. But, I know somehow with my vision for it, and the passion born of it - it will come into it's own.

Amusingly enough, part of me feels a bit guilty for putting "Everyone Knows" on the backburner. It's completely normal though. Even it is completely abandoned in context of the album, that's okay too. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss it.

Quote
"There is always some madness in love.
But there is also always some reason in madness."
Friedrich Nietzsche

my voice is not ready to be heard

I've always felt I could sing well along with many of my favorite songs. Many of them ranged from Stone Temple Pilots, Soundgarden, Alice In Chains, Depeche Mode and Dave Matthews Band. I'm good with pitch, but I'm coming to realise delivery is my problem. It's not as convincing, and a bit throaty. On top of that, my voice is naturally a bit stuffy sounding, unless I sing a little higher. A couple days ago, I recorded some vocals of a song I'd written over a basic piano track. What I heard back definitely needed improvement. I liked the vibe I had, but it wasn't really being cohesive with the piano -- and it wasn't a composition issue, it was just how I sung it.

Initially I got extremely discouraged -- I considered selling all my gear. I do not want to just write instrumental music. I want to use my voice, as I enjoy writing and I want to express these things vocally. The voice is one of the most moving "instruments" there is. I am torn between whether one has the potential to develop a good singing voice, or if it comes down to "you got it or you don't". I lean towards the latter.

Regardless, I still feel there is this potential there. Perhaps exercises and warmups aren't futile, and I should commit to them. It's like... I know somewhere in me, I can do this. But what I'm hearing isn't entirely encouraging.

Quote
"To catch a song, you have to think like a song."
Tom Waits

coffee shops never fail to inspire

I've been visiting Copper Rock Coffee somewhat frequently lately, bringing the Strat. Just being in a different, warm environment helps. I can barely hear what I'm playing, but I'm not any less productive. I've come up with a few pieces for various songs, and altogether I have about 7 or 8. I can't say for sure that I will use each of them for any of the songs I tied them to, as I don't want to be too rigid. But all these pieces are assets I can choose from - if they fit, great. If they don't, I write more.


I also wrote a song that feels a bit more folk-ish, which although I enjoy the genre, it's not something I usually write. Perhaps it will appear in different form on the album. I'm trying to balance the album's lyrical content. A lot of it has been dealing with negative people and negative situations, but I have enough positive to draw from that I want to include.

As far as schedule or time constraits, I'm still not comfortable with these. I do know I would like to get at least 1 or 2 songs written by the end of November, and get a 3rd done in December. I've been waking up like a normal human being lately, so I'm considering a 10 AM to 10 PM writing/recording "shift".

I've been pretty inspired by Billy Howerdel's project "Ashes Divide". Billy was the guitarist in A Perfect Circle, a band that Maynard James Keenan of Tool fronted. Checkout this remix of an AD song - it's beautiful, and summarizes my style and aim more, as I'm not totally using guitar - yet here they are able to create a beautiful, emotional song without a staple instrument of rock:

» http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FyCzz6zpJU "Denial Waits" (Danny Lohner remix)

Quote

"I know people who spend and spend and spend. Every month something new comes out, but it all achieves the same thing. I don't think equipment makes your music, really. That's enough to make your music. You've got to have some soul, man. You hear people who use machines, and their music is technically advanced, but there ain't no soul in it. Shit, music without soul? It's no good to be technical. If music ain't got soul, it's not music."
Tricky

the muse isn't missing, it's buried

I had an astounding moment earlier attempting a combination of two guitar parts I'd written for seperate songs. One was a chord progression for "beside me lay", the other was a solo-type lead I'd written for "wide smiles & wine bottles". As I was out for coffee the other night with a friend, I brought my guitar and played him the parts. It was here I'd realised they were quite complementary. Two seperate parts I'd never intended to be together... I just had a feeling. So earlier today I recorded the chord progression, then as it played back I recorded the solo part over it.


It was awesome. I had managed to move myself, and that's quite rare. I can get a feel for a song as it's developed, and be very into it - but they don't often connect with me. This did, and it has me feeling positive about the work of this album. Moments like these are few and far between, especially for me. Patience is required in bulk. Persistence pays off.

I'm not sure I'll be using it as it is for the album, again it's very dependent on if I can sculpt a usable guitar tone. Melodically I may use it in some other form (perhaps piano), but the undeniable expressiveness of the guitar really lends itself here.

Quote

"Music is really all about experimentation and lots of
trial and error. It's just mind-numbingly boring until you hit on
something that works well."
Martin Gore of Depeche Mode

preparing album work

I'm slowly coming around to developing a bit of a safety net. Looking at tackling things week by week. I still have lot's to write (been slacking actually), but having just fooled around I'm finding some kind of muse there. I'll probably be investing in some outboard gear to see if I can get a great heavy guitar tone -- that's really the make or break on what direction the album is going to go. I'm not averse to doing something more synth based, but there's just some real heavy shit I wanna pound out of the guitar.

I'll also upload weekly videos of what's going on pretty soon (Youtube, Myspace, Blip.TV).

I'm pretty sure I'm done writing lyrically, nothing else has come to mind and I haven't felt compelled enough to write anything new. It's all there, ready.

Quote

"When you stop putting yourself on the line, and you don't touch your own heart, how do you expect to touch other people?"
Tori Amos

upcoming album: "Stare Your Rigor Down"

Well, it's that time again. The 4th time actually. Or is it the 5th? I can't even keep track anymore. Since starting in 2003 and over the course of a couple different projects, I've wanted to release an album. A few things got in the way: confusion, laziness, and motivation.

I've found usually when beginning something creative, at least musically, I'm confused from the get go. I'm not certain how I want to convey things sonically and emotionally. Do I want to do a concept album? Then I get myred in that particular thought process and end up going in circles. Laziness is human and is birthed in the breeding grounds of an overwhelming maze of obstacles . Motivation is easy when you can identify it, but... perhaps motivation isn't the factor. It's initiative.

First, you have to kill the confusion - and it involves a lot of work. Once you've written the material, you've got to sort through it. Albums should have a consistency. Keep any inconsistent material on the backburner for later. The killer thing is, this is kind of like picking a favorite child or a favorite band. It's always "well, I'd really love to work with that song... the title and lyrics are interesting". I guess that's why they call 'em B-Sides.

Anyway, as with every attempt - I'm very excited. But, I'm more excited than usual and this is because over the past 5 years I feel I've grown musically. Look, I'm not a musician. I'm a hack, and I love what I do. I feel like my influences have come full circle. They've expanded. I have a better ear for what makes a song. I have less interest in creating ambient drones that can't catch your ear. It's all about the craft of songwriting. I'm not a songwriter, I'm a hack. So going in this direction is completely new for me.

It's terrifyingly exciting.

So anyway recently over the course of many months I've been writing. Nothing too particular, just venting really. Recent issues in life have provided inspiration, while past issues will always be relevant in some context. If you checkout the album pics you'll see about 20 scans of lyrics I've written. More than enough for a single album, plenty for a double. The keyword is "indecision". It would be ambitious for me to tackle a double album off the bat, but I could do it. It would just take more time. But is the demand there? For me personally I have no hesitation to do it, so it comes down to what my listeners want. I don't know. I'm sure they just want something an assload better than the crap I've put up the past 5 years. So do I.

The album art is really just an inspired accident, if you could call it that. I recently watched most of the film Bruiser, a George Romero directed thriller. It's a bit cheesey in some of it's characters, but it has a great premise that kept me interested throughout. It definitely was not a horror movie like I expected. Romero didn't let me down. I just found something profound in the character and the mask he wore. I started to think, it'd be interesting to have a mask of some sort as the cover. Masks are metaphorical for me, for all of us I think. No matter if someone is not a two-faced person, they have their own masks to hide beneath in certain circumstances and opportunities. They're really open to interpretation, and so that's what the album art is about. "Stare Your Rigor Down" as the title is a line I liked from "Fool's Funeral". To me it represents staring in the face of personal diversity, with the numerous facets of yourself as a human - emotionally and mentally.

Looking through all the lyrics I've written, I've realised there is a theme of both ignorance and inadequacy. Not intentional by any means, but recent events inspired most of them. I can't say for sure how this is going to turn out, or if it's going to carry a common theme or be more organic and a bit scattered. I'm not even sure what I want it to sound like. It's going to be a balancing act - like learning to walk a tightrope for the first time. I'm going to fall a lot. But I'll make it to the other side, and I hope to see you there.

With $10 or so.

Quote

"If it moves me then I know it's going to affect somebody else and it's nice to be able to sing a song with your feelings, from your heart."
Dave Gahan of Depeche Mode